Sunday, May 23, 2010

It seems like I only post when life is feeling crappy!

So tonight Steph, Sarah, and I went to dinner and a movie (Shrek ever after). It was cute. I've been feeling in a rut and well didn't want to go. I felt like I've been letting people down again. There is so much that is going on in my head but I'm so tired that i'll have to write more tomorrow. good night for now.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Oakcrest Dreams

So It's that time of year...Oakcrest training time. I guess because of that I've been dreaming about not working there. Both dreams that I can remember so far have had Pickles in it. Also in both i've felt a sense of disappointment that I wasn't going to be up there. I guess it's my own fault, but still it hurts. I also tried to txt pickles to see when friends and family night was, she replied but then when I asked her what was going on, she didn't. I feel like we've definitely have drifted apart, and that makes me sad. That was the one thing I didn't want to happen, the one thing I feared, but I guess I knew could and probably would happen.


So lately I've been having these dreams. Just random dreams but I want to write them down cause, well, I do. The first one was a couple of months ago.

I was starting work at Peterson's or a grocery store like it. I was sweeping, the store and Sandy was like the night manager after her classes at Weber. I was going down aisle's making sure that everything was ready to close. On the scrapbook Aisle she came up and asked me to clean the bathroom. It was disgusting. But I wanted to impress her so I did my best and cleaned the sink and garbage and then she came in and told me time to go home. I told her I wasn't done but that I promised to do it in the morning. I felt such a need for her to be pleased with my work.

Last night I dreamt I was going on a trip, all my dad's family was there we were flying and then all the sudden we were on a boat. I was holding Aunt Joelene's son...I don't know who he was supposed to represent but he was her baby (5 or 6 months old). Sandy was there, she tried to talk to me. She was walking across the hallway and saw me further down the hall and said something. I just glared at her, and then turned to the baby. She tried to talk to me again and I glared at her again. I wanted her to know I was mad at her. She walked over and tried again to talk to me, "he's cute" she said. I said yep he is and walked away. Her daughter was there too, she was down on the lower section at the party thing music was blaring. I saw her once but she didn't really say much. Just like in real life.

I don't understand why I dream about them so much. I do want her (Sandy) to know it hurt. The fake empathy, everything. I want her to care, to want to do stuff with me, to want to talk with me, but the thing is she doesn't and so I've just got to get over it.