Saturday, December 31, 2011

Day 13-Your favorite musician and why?

My favorite Musician umm that's a toughie.  I have quite a bit of great musicians that I love!  It's hard to pick just I'll pick a few.  I'm a rule breaker...what do you expect?

First of all I love Idina musicals and in her own music.
I also love the classics like Journey, the Beatles, and
I love Demi Lovato, Lea Michelle, and Ingrid Michaelson
And even though I haven't been as into country the last year or two...I still have my personal favorites Tim McGraw, Garth Brooks, Faith Hill and Martina McBride.

I hate this cause there really are so many other musicians I'd like to state but if I did This would be a very very long blog.  So I'll stop there.

Speaking of Crazy

So I've been told by many people that staying up late causes me to act crazy.  Well it's 4 in the morning and I guess I'm acting crazy.

Ok so I'm anti social....I get that.  I have a hard time getting out and doing things with others.  I have really been bad the last couple of years.  Another name... I'm just 'lazy'.

I know others look down on me for it.
I know this because of looks...
gossip that gets back to me...
genuine conversations...

sooooo great isn't it.

I've been really trying to work on my short comings, one of them being 'being too hard on myself'.

I have tried and failed miserable to do just that.

Well I've recently just re-opened a whole can of worms that causes me to very much be very hard on myself.  Mostly because I am ashamed.  Ashamed of my actions and ashamed of my aka laziness.

I've been running through this scenario in my head brooding over shelling out too much information.  It usually takes a lot to get me to share information.

A lot
...of time, as in time that I've known them and really trusted them
...more exposure to all that is...ME
...of testing the ground to see what shocks them
...more of thinking about what I'm going to say, how I'm going to drop a small simple little past 'bomb'
            ...then seeing how they react to me in the dayz, weekz, monthz that follow before sharing more.

Yet I 'word vomited' a whole deep part of past mistakes (not all, cause there are some deep seeded wounds I've inflicted upon myself...ones I'm not ready to uncover or share...possible will never be able to share)  and spoke of personal feelings and thoughts that is causing me a lot of anxiety, regret.

Anyway back to my initial thought, I have really been trying to be more social.  Especially with people I was close with in the past.  I hesitate because if I let them see who I am now or who I have been since I was a big part of their life.  I'm scared of what action they'll take toward me.  Like walking away, proving that I am not worth it.

I have been a horrible person. Okay a horrible person according to my irrational reasoning.  For I'm the only one that is judged by this extremely high one else.

So every time there is a get together or someone calling me on my phone, I have this inner struggle to go or to come up with an answer or ignore.

And then I feel like more of a horrible person...thus the cycle continues.

So maybe they are right I am acting crazy... would a normal person be up this late randomly blogging about this crap ... ?

Guess that's my cue to sign off and go to bed. Night.

Friday, December 30, 2011

Day 12 - A photograph of the town you live in

I live in Ogden, UT and I love it up here.  Some of these pictures may help you see why!

The beautiful scenery!
The Mountains!!

Waterfall Hike
Nature so close to home!

Happy Random Day

So today I got to have lunch with one of the most amazing ladies I know.  I got to sit there and just talk to her, something I've wanted to do for a long time.  I pretty much loved it and truly I didn't want it to end.  I was nervous, for dumb reasons.  While I drove down to meet her, my stomach was a bundle of nerves...with each exit I got closer to Salt Lake, the tangled stressors in my tummy got more wound up. I get so worried about what people think about me...But it was all for naught.  I haven't laughed so much in a long time, I'm sure the people at Zupas thought we were crazy!!!  Sometimes serious, sometimes laughter, sometimes uncomfortable, sometimes obscene...Family!  I am so lucky to be related to this person.  I love that I can just talk to her freely and I honestly don't feel like she is judging me (believe me I have lots to be judged for).  She see's me as the person I am...even if I am not okay with who that is right now.

This break has been much needed!  I have made some changes, things that I think will definitely help my mental well being as well as everything else!    

Confession time:

  • Sometimes I rush into my apartment just so I don't have to talk to my neighbors...Yep I'm that much of a jerk.
  • My car smells like death...the outside. I'm burning something under the hood.
  • I can't sleep with socks on.  If I have socks on I toss and turn until I take them off.
  • I am scared of my car breaking down and being attacked by someone.  I don't go out anymore after dark.  (which is very very weird for me)
  • I absolutely love Helena Bonham Carter!
  • I have a unnatural addiction to my homemade pistachio ice cream.
  • I have tried to quit diet's just not going to happen!

Sometimes I think that I use this blog as a journal rather than blogging what ever that is...oh well, I guess you don't have to read it right.

I'm sure no one really does read it.  That's good.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Day 11-What's in your makeup bag?

Well that's a conversation stopper.   Liquid base....mascara....eye shadow....eyeliner...  If anyone knows me and I mean see's me on a daily base, knows that I don't wear makeup really.  Just enough to look ok in public.  ie base and mascara.  It's a really good day when I wear eyeliner.  It's a fantastic day when I wear eyeshadow.  Ha.  Maybe that's why I'm still single, not dating, a loner (as my mom would kindly call me).  Good grief!
No make-up
Just enough
Date Make-up
(Not that I'm dating my sister....just got dressed up nice. Just wanted to make sure you understood that!)

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Day 10 - My Favorite Place to Eat

I'm changing this to my favorite places to eat.  Because I have so many great places and couldn't really choose one.
To choose you really need to pick your mood...what do you feel like having?
 Ice Cream dripping with carmel and a burger or a bread bowl yummy fries
 Mexican pork salad with black beans everything on it and sauce on the side
 Fast, easy, and a large diet coke for just a dollar.
 Seafood alfredo...salad and bread sticks till you burst.

 The next three are pretty much inter-changable they all have charbroiled goodness...aka the bacon burger...and yummy fries and fry sauce.  Heaven in a greasy heart attack induced burger!!!

Shakes anyone?  These both are pretty comparable in goodness.  Iceberg in the valley and Jake's in Ogden.  I go to each of them.

Texas for country fried chicken and hot melt in your mouth rolls.

The best and I mean best chinese.  I have been around and if I really need the best I go to ABC's

So the best is .....  I really can't choose at the moment, I want them all!  I am so hungry.  Dang it! (post back fire)

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Day 9 - Photo of the Last Item You Purchased

The last thing I purchased is this lovely mop, so I can clean my floor....It is much over due in being purchased!    I love it cause it will also work as a broom when it's dry.  For my floors this will workout very nicely!
Now I must go back to cleaning cause I'm needing to clean my home.  It's about time, seriously!

Monday, December 26, 2011

No Title

There are times in my life that I have struggled with feeling enough.  Today is one of those dayz.  Why I am not enough to be married, a mother, a good enough friend, daughter, sister, friend, teacher,  
Now I am lucky to have a great support system, and yet I still feel like this so often.  
That's all. Short pity party...

Day 8 - A Song to Match your Mood.

The last few days, like most christmas seasons, I've thought about about and been with my family. This month I lost my Grandpa. So I've had an extra serving of missing family. I heard this song coming home from the hospital the day he died. It has stuck in my head and especially today I've not been able to get out of this funk. So I'm sitting here...eating homemade rocky road and feeling blah.

It's an amazing song, and so true to my mood right now.


You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbye
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

Sunday, December 25, 2011

100 Things About Me

Saw this on another blog and thought I'd try it I know it won't be as entertaining as her's was but we'll see how it goes.

1. I love all things Disney.

2. I love all things Funshine Bear. (He's a carebear, the yellow one with the sunshine in the center)

3. I've gotten stung by a bee, had stitches, but never broken a bone.

4. I laugh at my own jokes and at really dumb ones told by others.

5. I've never drank before, but have acted drunk several times. 8o}

6. I talk in my sleep.

7. I come from a very long line of sleep talkers.

8. I walk in my sleep.

9. I once went sleep jogging.

10. I don't know how long I was jogging for but I've never, and I mean never, been so sore in my life. 

11. I was very happy that I went sleep jogging in Ephraim, Ut and not in Ogden, Ut.

12. I am the oldest of four.

13. I love my family!

14. I am pretty funny, sometimes people do laugh at my jokes too.

15. I can quote any movie...mostly.

16. My siblings and I have several inside jokes and these inside jokes make going out in public somewhat embarrassing...for the people watching us.

17. I rarely get embarrassed...okay more than rarely.

18. I lived in Canada for 18 months.

19. I had surgery in Canada.

20. First experience with socialized medicine. Not a fan. They wouldn't even let me keep my gallbladder stones!

21. I taught myself how to solve the rubics cube.

22. I taught myself during finals week my second year of college. Cause I had nothing better to do.

23. I have been able to complete it in 1 minute 47 seconds. Go me!

24. I have insomnia episodes.

25. I have slept in a wal-mart bathroom stall. More than one night.

26. I play the guitar. Not well, but I love it.

27. I have even written a few songs.

28. Some day I might be a famous song writer...or just keep my hobby alive playing around for fun.

29. I love to do things for other people, sometimes I take care of others before I stop to think about what I need.

30. I went to college for 5 years to get my 4 year degree.

31. I didn't graduate from college until I'd been out of high school for 7 years. You do the math.

32. Math is my favorite subject.

33. My favorite book is The Giver, by Lois Lowry.

34. It has been my favorite book since sixth grade and while I've read many great books since then, I haven't been able to replace that book in my 'favorite book' place.

35. I have wanted to be a teacher since I was 12 years old. (sixth grade)

36. I wanted to become a teacher because of the impact my sixth grade teacher had on me during that year.

37. She still has an enormous impact on me and I am lucky enough to still be in contact with her.

38. I am now a sixth grade teacher, corrupting the minds of our future generation.

39. I look forward to new pajamas every christmas eve.

40. My favorite homemade meal is Stouffers frozen Lasagna, with garlic bread and a garden salad.

41. Three things I missed most when I lived in Canada were... Peanut Butter M & M's

42. Sweddish Fish

43. Cafe Rio - sweet pork salads

44. I absolutely, with out a doubt, hate wearing dresses!

45. I served an LDS mission where I had to were a dress everyday for 18 months...what in the h... was I thinking?

46. I wasn't a remarkable missionary...I wasn't even an honorable missionary...but that time out in Canada I will never forget, ever.

47. I am accident prone. To quote my mother, "You aren't an accident waiting to happen, you are an accident in progress." -said to me when I was extremely upset about being teased at school.(jr. high)

Theses are three different accidents in the space of a few weeks....about a year and a half ago.

48. When I was in Kindergarten I didn't start losing my teeth like the rest of my classmates and took my concerns to my dentist.

49. Last year when I saw my dentist he still remembered that visit when I was 6 yrs. old.

50. I worked at a girls camp when I was 21, it was a remarkable summer, filled with so many life changing events.

 51. Um, no comment.
 52. I was the person responsible for this prank, stringing Crimson up the flag pole.  Yep!
 53. Almost burnt camp down making pancakes...
 54. Two of my most favorite people that summer, Hannah and Pickles Mae Walker.
55. Me and Roo, Monday of our finer moments.
56. I love this picture of Scout and I.
57. Sisters and counselors!  Love LOVE LOVE

58. To this day I still look back with the fondest memories, but regret some choices I've made since then and the disappointment I've caused to close friends.

59. I like quilting, I make jean quilts and love doing it.

60. I also love quilting with fabric and almost always combine fabric and the one above.

61. I can be creative when I want to be.

62. Loved playing Basketball when I was a teenager, but now am not so good at it.

63. On my mission I fell down the stairs in my apartment, that was a funny story!

64. I also lost my toenail on my mission because of luggage not tracting.

65. I got a concussion during spring break during college

66. because I went hiking in Ogden...

67. for the pictures of course...

68. alone...

69. slipped on some icey snow

70. fell down the mountain.

71. blacked out.

72. woke up with my head against the tree...

73. upside down...

74. I had hurt my leg really bad, I couldn't lift it up past two inches... bruised my a black eye...and scared my entire family. ha ha

75. I don't understand why my family worries about me! 8o}

76. I love to take pictures.

77. and create amazing inspirational pictures

78. While visiting family in California when I was sixteen, I had a roller blading accident.  I am still having gravel work its self out of my thigh.

 79. I love crocheting and have taught myself to make fun hats and blankets.

80.  I am the luckiest aunt to my best friends adorable baby girl Abi.

81.  I once caught a cat fish.  I was the only one to catch anything that day.  I was so proud!

82. I love oranges more than any normal person should.

83. I love Rupert Grint and would marry him tomorrow if he'd accept.

84. Have rolled both my ankles so many times that they now look like huge balls where my ankles should be...ew.

85. My favorite outfit is sweats and a sweatshirt.

86. Have never really cared for myself in glasses.

87. I have colored my hair since I was in high school.

88. Have finally let my hair go back to it's natural hair color.  (A Brownish Color)

89. I am eleven years older than my youngest brother.

90. I wear colored contacts, but the other day I had to wear a clear contact and a colored contact (because the opposites of both had tore, but I had a set putting them together, sweet!) and you couldn't tell the difference.  So cool!

91. I don't you can clearly fact I only run when I am in danger!

92. I met one famous mormon actor at Chili's one night... he was very intense and really hurt me...

93.  I don't like shoes, in fact I would rather go barefoot every where.

94.  If I do where shoes it's the converse hi tops that are my favorite!

95.  I do not like, nor could I ever walk in any type of heel.  SO I wear flat shoes....ALL THE TIME!

96. I have a problem with stalking people...scared you didn't I.

97. I have a hard time keeping friends...not something I'm proud of.

98. I have depression and have battled it since I was a child.

99. My favorite colors are green and orange.

100. I Have realized I don't have very interesting things to share about myself and have clearly stretched some that I have chosen....hmmm.  but I finished this blog!  wahoo!