Sunday, October 21, 2012

Songs, Blogs, and Weekends That Don't Go As Planned

So I sat down last weekend and wrote some of my thoughts, it's that time of year that I often get reflective, but mostly just down on myself.  I'd invited my high school friends to come up for a get away, and couldn't help feel disappointed when only one showed up.  I know they all have important things going on in their lives and I don't want to sound like a complete jerk, but it did hurt.
That being said, I did have an awesome time with Melissa, who did come up.  We talked about High School, Middle School, read through old letters, looked through old photos and just had a blast.  Found out I wasn't receiving my mail and had missing a few get-to-gethers as well.  It was a fun weekend.
When I got home I had all these thoughts and feelings swimming around and I had to get them out so I just wrote, then this weekend I put them to music.
Now I don't have the best voice and well as I've stated in previous blogs I can't articulate very well, but this is what became of my thoughts.   Don't judge, you don't even have to listen, I'm just trying to get out their.

by Brittani Johnson
I remember when you were what mattered.
When if we were together we could take on the world
We’d laugh until we cry and cry until we laugh
and everything was okay because we were friends

Then the world happened, graduations, degrees, different cities and different friends
I think back to 15 when we were together against the world.
No matter the distance, no matter the hurdle, no matter whatever
we’d tackle together cause we were friends forever

I remember when the world crashed down
When we’d call in the troops to shelter from the storm
We’d laugh until we cry and cry until we laugh
and everything was okay cause we were friends

Then the world happened, boyfriends, marriage, different cities and different goals
I think back to 17 when we were together ready to take on the world
No matter the distance, no matter the hurdle, no matter whatever
We’d grasp our dreams defended by those who have always defended us

Then I remember when I let that all fall
When I was so deep in my own hurt I sacrificed all that was said and done
I didn’t mean it, but I said it and even though it’s been so many years and
we’ve forgotten why, I still have to say I’m sorry

Because then the world happened, pain and change, different cities and different friends
Thinking back we can remember so many beautiful times, and some we should forget
No matter the distance, no matter the hurdle, no matter whatever
We’ll always be there, because you were there when everything mattered
and we are friends for forever

Monday, January 23, 2012


So why do we really have facebook or any social network?  Why do people post anything online?  Why do we think that anyone really gives a &#$%...?  I had a co-worker comment, well I've had a bunch of people comment but most recently a co-worker ask what she needed to do so that I would wake up with sunshine and roses.  I guess it really got to me.  Why do I post, well...I live alone, so things that I would normally say to who I live with go on facebook.  I vent about my work, again I live alone and vent to facebook.  I stay in contact with family and friends...aka stalk them and get to dive through their photos and posts with out really having to talk to them.  So it helps me from feeling as guilty that I'm not close with anyone, because I've kept myself updated on their fb status's.  Yes, I have a problem, I post things on my status that come off as pathetic, sad, depressed, self-deprecative, things that are really personal and I shouldn't be posting, I get that.  So I stopped, or at least recently when I want to post something I think, 'would this post give someone an intrigue to further an investigation into my life?'
It's been a rough weekend.  I took a day off work and I don't want to go back tomorrow.  I feel like blah, I don't know how to help this?  I want to be 'normal' so bad, to not feel so useless, so pathetic, and I don't want anyone to see this part of me.  So I guess it's a good reason I live alone.  I can come home and just wallow.   I want not to cry, I've been all weekend.  I hate this.   I truly do.
So what do I do....I decide I can't post anything on FB, so instead I post to my blog, because only a few people really look at it, and they only look after I have put a post on fb that they look it up.  So I'm not worried.
I guess it's off to bed, good night never land.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Another Random Midnight Post

So today is my little sisters birthday.  She has gotten so old.  She is one of my bestest friends.  I love spending time with her.  I am so lucky to have such a great relationship with my family.  My brothers would do anything for me and I hope they know I would for them too.  They constantly want to have family time playing games or just doing things together.  I love Andrew and Sam so much!  They are some of my other bestest friends...along with my mom and dad.  I love getting random phone calls from my mom and dad, just to tell me they were thinking about me or to remind me how much they love me!
Tonight my daddy called me just to check on me.  I am such a daddy's girl.  Sometimes I forget to tell them (my family) how much they mean to me.  The truth is I would be so much more lost in this crazy world without them.  Yes we are crazy and so extreme when we are together, but I know they love me and they accept me for me...something I have had a hard time realizing.
Sometimes I find it so hard to see, the good in me.  I get so down on myself.  I want those thoughts and feelings to go away.  I know that I can work to understand why I have them and what I can do to not let those feelings and thoughts direct who I truly am.  They are a choice and I need to choose to realize that I am a pretty neat person.  Even though I'm not dating or married or a mother yet, I will be someday.  Even if I'm not the thinnest person in, I am beautiful the way I am.  Even if I can't consistently keep my house clean, I am a good-caring teacher and am there for my students.
I am so lucky to be supported my so many wonderful people.  I love to laugh and sometimes I go to far.  I hope that those around me know how much I truly love them.
I have had a rough weekend, but I think that I am ready for a new day, a new week of school, and for a new outlook on life.

Monday, January 16, 2012

Day 29 - Something you could never get tired of doing

Something I could never get tired of doing?  Taking Pictures! I love capturing these important moments in my life!

 I love the scenery pictures!  The rainbow of colors in our world.  I love seeing and living....just being enveloped in it.

Something I must have gotten from my mother!
Taking pictures I mean!

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Day 28 - Your favorite movie

That is an extremely hard one to pick!  I have so many favorite movies.

The harry potter series!

Despicable Me!

Meet the Robinson's!

Many different Musicals (Hairspray, Into the Woods, Wicked, Funny Girl, Glee, and much more than I am forgetting)

Disney Movies too many to name!

Well, like I said I can't name all of them....