So on my mission I almost got sent home because I hurt myself. I talk to a counselor over the phone and she said that I wasn't a threat, I only did it for attention. I was just thinking about that, why do I do things for attention.....CAUSE I NEED HELP AND IF I DON'T DO SOMETHING TO GET SOMEONE'S ATTENTION, NOBODY KNOWS I NEED HELP. That's all.
I went and talk to my counselor today. She thinks that the only thing I'm worried about is telling my family about taking a step back from the church and she thinks that once I do that then I will be fine. Well that is one thing that is really bothering me but not all of it. I wished I could have told her more. I have felt better taking a step back, but I don't feel safe in my own skin. I really do push people away. Or I just stop talking to them. I don't know what business I have going into teaching, I am a wreck and am not going to do well as a teacher. But what do I do now. I am sick of feeling this way. I guess my thought process is fake it now cause being depressed is not helping anyone, including me. So when I wake up tomorrow I am going to be a different person to everyone else. If inside I'm dying or hurting....NOONE WILL KNOW ABOUT IT...... ANYMORE.
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