Songs, Blogs, and Weekends That Don't Go As Planned

So I sat down last weekend and wrote some of my thoughts, it's that time of year that I often get reflective, but mostly just down on myself.  I'd invited my high school friends to come up for a get away, and couldn't help feel disappointed when only one showed up.  I know they all have important things going on in their lives and I don't want to sound like a complete jerk, but it did hurt.
That being said, I did have an awesome time with Melissa, who did come up.  We talked about High School, Middle School, read through old letters, looked through old photos and just had a blast.  Found out I wasn't receiving my mail and had missing a few get-to-gethers as well.  It was a fun weekend.
When I got home I had all these thoughts and feelings swimming around and I had to get them out so I just wrote, then this weekend I put them to music.
Now I don't have the best voice and well as I've stated in previous blogs I can't articulate very well, but this is what became of my thoughts.   Don't judge, you don't even have to listen, I'm just trying to get out their.

Forever
by Brittani Johnson

I remember when you were what mattered.
When if we were together we could take on the world
We’d laugh until we cry and cry until we laugh
and everything was okay because we were friends

Then the world happened, graduations, degrees, different cities and different friends
I think back to 15 when we were together against the world.
No matter the distance, no matter the hurdle, no matter whatever
we’d tackle together cause we were friends forever

I remember when the world crashed down
When we’d call in the troops to shelter from the storm
We’d laugh until we cry and cry until we laugh
and everything was okay cause we were friends

Then the world happened, boyfriends, marriage, different cities and different goals
I think back to 17 when we were together ready to take on the world
No matter the distance, no matter the hurdle, no matter whatever
We’d grasp our dreams defended by those who have always defended us

Then I remember when I let that all fall
When I was so deep in my own hurt I sacrificed all that was said and done
I didn’t mean it, but I said it and even though it’s been so many years and
we’ve forgotten why, I still have to say I’m sorry

Because then the world happened, pain and change, different cities and different friends
Thinking back we can remember so many beautiful times, and some we should forget
No matter the distance, no matter the hurdle, no matter whatever
We’ll always be there, because you were there when everything mattered
and we are friends for forever

Facebook

So why do we really have facebook or any social network?  Why do people post anything online?  Why do we think that anyone really gives a &#$%...?  I had a co-worker comment, well I've had a bunch of people comment but most recently a co-worker ask what she needed to do so that I would wake up with sunshine and roses.  I guess it really got to me.  Why do I post, well...I live alone, so things that I would normally say to who I live with go on facebook.  I vent about my work, again I live alone and vent to facebook.  I stay in contact with family and friends...aka stalk them and get to dive through their photos and posts with out really having to talk to them.  So it helps me from feeling as guilty that I'm not close with anyone, because I've kept myself updated on their fb status's.  Yes, I have a problem, I post things on my status that come off as pathetic, sad, depressed, self-deprecative, things that are really personal and I shouldn't be posting, I get that.  So I stopped, or at least recently when I want to post something I think, 'would this post give someone an intrigue to further an investigation into my life?'
It's been a rough weekend.  I took a day off work and I don't want to go back tomorrow.  I feel like blah, I don't know how to help this?  I want to be 'normal' so bad, to not feel so useless, so pathetic, and I don't want anyone to see this part of me.  So I guess it's a good reason I live alone.  I can come home and just wallow.   I want not to cry, I've been all weekend.  I hate this.   I truly do.
So what do I do....I decide I can't post anything on FB, so instead I post to my blog, because only a few people really look at it, and they only look after I have put a post on fb that they look it up.  So I'm not worried.
I guess it's off to bed, good night never land.

Another Random Midnight Post

So today is my little sisters birthday.  She has gotten so old.  She is one of my bestest friends.  I love spending time with her.  I am so lucky to have such a great relationship with my family.  My brothers would do anything for me and I hope they know I would for them too.  They constantly want to have family time playing games or just doing things together.  I love Andrew and Sam so much!  They are some of my other bestest friends...along with my mom and dad.  I love getting random phone calls from my mom and dad, just to tell me they were thinking about me or to remind me how much they love me!
Tonight my daddy called me just to check on me.  I am such a daddy's girl.  Sometimes I forget to tell them (my family) how much they mean to me.  The truth is I would be so much more lost in this crazy world without them.  Yes we are crazy and so extreme when we are together, but I know they love me and they accept me for me...something I have had a hard time realizing.
Sometimes I find it so hard to see, the good in me.  I get so down on myself.  I want those thoughts and feelings to go away.  I know that I can work to understand why I have them and what I can do to not let those feelings and thoughts direct who I truly am.  They are a choice and I need to choose to realize that I am a pretty neat person.  Even though I'm not dating or married or a mother yet, I will be someday.  Even if I'm not the thinnest person in the....room, I am beautiful the way I am.  Even if I can't consistently keep my house clean, I am a good-caring teacher and am there for my students.
I am so lucky to be supported my so many wonderful people.  I love to laugh and sometimes I go to far.  I hope that those around me know how much I truly love them.
I have had a rough weekend, but I think that I am ready for a new day, a new week of school, and for a new outlook on life.

Day 29 - Something you could never get tired of doing

Something I could never get tired of doing?  Taking Pictures! I love capturing these important moments in my life!

 I love the scenery pictures!  The rainbow of colors in our world.  I love seeing and living....just being enveloped in it.

Something I must have gotten from my mother!

Taking pictures I mean!

Day 28 - Your favorite movie

That is an extremely hard one to pick!  I have so many favorite movies.

The harry potter series!

Despicable Me!

Meet the Robinson's!

Many different Musicals (Hairspray, Into the Woods, Wicked, Funny Girl, Glee, and much more than I am forgetting)

Disney Movies too many to name!

Well, like I said I can't name all of them....

Day 27-A picture of you last year and how have you changed since then?

Student Teaching Last January.  I was in a second grade classroom in an inner-city Ogden School. This is Karen my cooperating teacher.

How have I changed?  Well I finished my education, graduated in the spring, and I'm now a teacher, teaching in an Ogden School.  I am a year older.  I dunno, what else to say.  It has been a great year.  I am so happy with what I've accomplished

Day 26-A photo of somewhere you've been to

I lived in Miramichi, New Brunswick Canada.  And if you know me I love to take pictures, but don't always get phenomenal pictures...This particular day I got lucky and absolutely love how all the pictures turned out!

Day 25-What's in your purse?

Scary Question today!  jk  Um a scarf, gloves, (my car has no heat!) My wallet with tonz of plastic but no monetary value, canadian coin purse 8o}, chapstick, gum (5 rain), breath mints (frost), eye drops, pen and paper pad (courtesy of Weber ed. dept.), camera, and lip gloss. ... Just the bare minimum!

Day 24-A photo of something that means a lot to you

MY FAMILY!!!!

Day 23 - 15 facts about you

1 - I teach 6th grade
2 - I am single
3 - I love Funshine bear, care bear
4 - My favorite colors are green and orange
5 - I hate high heel shoes
6 - I still want to get a bachelors degree in graphic design
7 - I have a slight obsession with oranges
8 - I can play (moderately well) the guitar, flute, piano, recorder, and Rock Band.
9 - I love to watch movies.  (it's scary how much I love them)
10 - I love all things disney
11 - I want to own my own home sooner rather than later
12 - I would rather be cold than hot.
13 - I love to read books.
14 - I like to sew, crochet, and create
15 - I love to laugh and make others laugh

Day 22-A letter to someone who has hurt you recently

Dear Someone,

I don't think I've been as hurt by anyone as I was by you and what you did.  I hope that I would never let someone open up and share a very personal part of them only to turn around and tell them I can't continue talking to them about this.  It hurt.  It hurt a lot.  Yes it happen 2 years ago, but it has affected me so much and still does to this day.  I am grateful for it though, because the situation latter helped me to find my best friend and with out her in my life I wouldn't be here.  She is everything you are not.  Caring, compassionate, willing to put forth effort, genuine, completely honest and the best example anyone could ask for.  SO I guess something good did come from that horrible experience.  But I think I could have done without it!
I'm not saying I'm not to blame, but I think in that formidable state I was so willing to believe anyone who showed any time of attention.  That was my fault.  I am just glad that part of my life is over and I'm in better company now.
That's all.

Day 21-A photo of something that makes you happy

Knowing I have a forever family.  

It is through the holy temple ordinances that we can truly be together forever! 

That's what I want! 

That is why temples make me happy!

Day 20-The meaning behind your blog name

My blog name "The world according to Me, yep ..." basically means that  everyone has their own version of the "the world".  Sometimes is a positive view, sometimes it's not so positive, it can be funny or pathetic or even heart-pumping scary, but it's still a personal view.  So my blog is my view... at times it as been all of those things, the yep means "yeah I just said that".  Sometimes I say things that may be offensive to others, or out of the norm...but it's me!  And I am still trying to find out who I am.  So that's all.

Day 19-Another picture of yourself

My first year school picture!  Oh yeah I'm for real!  Love this one!

Day 18-Something you crave a lot

Three words...pistachio ice cream.

With real pistachios, homemade....maybe some leatherby's carmel.  Amazing!

Day 17-A photo of you and your family

 

My Family! I love them Then, Now, and Forever!

Truths for Mature Humans

Yep totally kiphed (it's a word, sound it out!) this from a good friends blog and .... love it.

Truths For Mature Humans
1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.
15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste!
17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
20. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
22. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.
24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?
29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists.
31. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

Now tell me that you didn't relate to at least 5 of those....or all...

Day 16 - Your celebrity crush

Well there is no competition...I absolutely Love RUPERT GRINT <3

                      

How could you not love him!  He is gorgeous.  I also love the accent!  And I love all the movies he's been in....Yes I've seen them all....nom nom nom.  He's dreamy!

Day 15-Something you don't leave the house without

There are two things I never leave the house without.   

1st, my cell phone.  

Yes it's that bad.  

I have a panic attack if I find that I don't have it almost to the point I have to drive back and get it.

Even if that will make me late.

2nd, is my purse. 

For those who know me, they know I'm not exactly a purse person.

But I got this great one for my b-day and it's always with me.

So yeah that's what I don't leave the house with out.  

Day 14-A TV show you're currently addicted to

Ok now we are talking, I knew I'd have to come clean sooner or later.

So again I can't pick just one but I have less than 5.

• First, Criminal Minds. I love the chemistry between Morgan and Garcia, and Prentiss and Reid and I love ...well they all are great! 

     

• Second, Medium.  I love Patricia Arquette!

• Third, Charmed.  My favorite is Holly Marie Combs.  

• Fourth, Friends.  All of them equally for different reasons!

So as you can tell, I dwell mostly in the past.  The first one is the only one that is still on the air, the rest are either reruns or netflix favorites!

Good times!