Wow I'm such a great blogger......

Ok first of all I am so bad at blogging, I really need to do this better. So I am going to proceed with my 30 day challenge that I said I was going to do in August...(my last post) I will start that after I post this one...get excited for that. Okay proceeding to what I am really saying...

I was reading my post from my birthday last year. How I wish I would have progressed from where I was then rather than have regressed to where I am this year. Yes, it's my first year teaching and I love it. It's hard, tough, and worth every minute!

Yet aside from teaching and all that that includes, I've been struggling constantly with some more personal issues, things that I'm not yet ready to divulge, but that I am working on. Along with this these struggles, I've also been battling depression, one of the inner battles I’m more open with. Through this particular struggle I’ve come to question everything that I once was so sure about. And because of these questions I’ve gone searching … for a few years, I’ve had a lot of help, a lot of people who mean well, but don’t quite know how to help me. Then with out looking for it I get my figurative slap in the face, at a funeral, no less. Someone makes a blunt but heart felt grasp to help me. First of all, it came out of no where and I was completely taken aback. Secondly, upon further reflection I hated knowing my façade had been breached and the unpleasant truth underneath seen, especially by someone I respected so much.

It was further conversations at home…well through emails… that gave me some albeit hard to hear but much needed guidance. Counsel that although it will hurt but the ache that I have at the moment is far worse. Importantly, for the first time (in a very long time) once I ultimately made the decision to follow this advice … finally felt right. It’s been a really long time since that has happened. I’m still petrified for this road, but I’m taking the first step in the right direction.

Progress.

Someday I hope for peace, for forgiveness, for love, for resolution. But for now I just have trust and the hope that I can accomplish this long road I have ahead of me.

Thanks MJ.