Thanksgiving

So yesterday was Thanksgiving, I went home. It was good. It felt more like I was visiting, which is what I was doing. Sometimes I don't know what to say on this because I know that people I actually know will read it. Before this was like my venting session, but now I can't say things the way I really feel because I am afraid of how people would react.

I've recently gotten to the point where I want to find the real me. To not be doing things because someone else thinks I should, or feel a certain way because someone thinks I should, or believe or anything because of what other people think. It's hard cause that is what I have done for most of my life. I have made huge life changing choices because of what I feel other people think I should do or say or think. So now that I'm really trying to find myself it's hard to really find me, who I am and what I have an opinion about. It's even harder because I feel like what is right for me will let so many people down, so many people that I love and respect and would never want to hurt. So I continue to do some soul searching and find out what really I am. I know this is all confusing but that is what is going on in me and has been for so long. I am confused, I want to show people the real me but who is that....instead I show them who I think they want me to be. I am a coward and a fake. I don't want to be that anymore, but how do I just up and change after 24 years of being this person?

I don't know really what to say or do. I started small...I have an opinion and I'm gonna say how I feel about things, like movies or music. If I don't like it I'm going to say it or vice versa. I guess I really don't know what else to say, I could continue to type what comes to my head, but I think that might get me in some trouble. So until I figure out just who I am, I don't think I'll talk about this subject again. L8ers